This is the story of Gregory Thistlethwaite, an unremarkable student, who is commanded by an authoritative, disembodied voice—claiming to be Jordan Peterson—to clean his room as a metaphorical path to ontological and psychological order. We track Gregory’s progress through increasingly absurd and metaphysical challenges, including finding a “Room Beneath the Room” (the psychological shadow) and undergoing “The Trial of the Lobster,” which is framed as a confrontation with dominance hierarchies. Ultimately, Gregory learns that true order requires humility and continual maintenance, and that perfection, or seeking approval, is less important than engaging responsibly with the inevitable mess of existence.